Friday, 9 August 2013

3 Tips for Conversations that Count

'I need to talk to her/him .... but not now, later.’

If this sort of thinking is familiar, you are certainly not alone.  Our minds are very effective at blocking us from taking actions that will move us out of our settled, preferred behaviour patterns.  This is why so many conversations to confront small issues with a manager, peer or report never happen.  We mean to have the conversation but somehow or other, the time is never quite right or there are other tasks that must come first. 

So the biggest barrier to having effective workplace conversations that solve issues before they turn into bigger problems is in our own minds.  We think we can't handle it, or that it will be unpleasant or we might be unpopular. 



Instead of ‘meaning to do it,” here are three ways to help you get it done:

(1) Notice it and Flip that Thought!

Pay close attention to your inner voice,  the interior monologue that tells us what to do and not do.  When you catch yourself putting off doing something, consciously stop and think, ‘Why am I thinking I will do it later.’  Flip that thought over and think, ‘Why I should do it now and not delay.’  By flipping our typical thoughts over and not just going along with them, we are consciously examining their validity and power over us.  By starting to think in counter-intuitive ways, we begin to behave differently where and when it makes sense to do so.

(2) Straight Off the Bat, Know What You Will Say

You don’t have to prepare the whole conversation; just the first few sentences.  These sentences are the most critical as they create the initial impressions, set the tone (i.e. friendly, collaborative, neutral) and enable you to place a positive frame around the topic.  Draft your opening sentences in writing and practise saying them out loud a few times.  They should only take a couple of minutes.  At which time, you stop talking and ask the other person to respond.


(3) Create the Vibe of ‘We’re in It Together’ 

There is nothing more unfair than to launch into a conversation with a direct report (or anyone) with an account of their behaviour that you have heard from a third party as if you are speaking the complete truth of the matter.  Unfortunately it is an error of judgment that executives, managers and team leaders make all too frequently.  Naturally the person being accused is going to resist, defend themselves or attack.  We haven’t given her/him the benefit of a mind that is open to their side of the story.  Always approach it as “innocent until proven guilty.” 

If you are confronting someone who has exhibited poor behaviours, talk about it as being something “we can work on…” and “solve together” in your opening sentences.  This way it is not like slapping someone with a wet fish in the face of ‘It’s you who is the problem’ and ‘Your behaviours are harming others’ to which he/she will almost certainly react negatively.  Build in questions like “How do you see it?” and try to listen twice as much as you talk.  

We hope you find these three techniques helpful in having conversations that count at work.  We welcome any comments, feedback and questions from you on this topic.
Note:
The above conversational techniques are drawn from People Results’ Conversations that Count Half-Day workshop which is being held in Brisbane on Tuesday 27th August, 2013.  Registrations are open and Early–Bird and Multiple Registration discounts are available until sold out. 

If you would like more information and/or to book, please go to http://www.stickytickets.com.au/12119   If you would like to arrange this workshop internally for your managers and staff, please contact People Results on 1300 167 981 or enquiries@peopleresults.com.au.